


[Insert Haikyuu Crack Textfic Name Here]

by Fairy_cupcake



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AsaNoya - Freeform, Bokuaka - Freeform, Chaos, F/F, Fukurodani craziness, Gay, Goshiki has a crush on Hinata because I say so, Hanamaki/Matsukawa, I honestly don’t know what I’m doing please help me, KageHina - Freeform, Karasuno craziness, Kinoshita/Narita - Freeform, Kiyoko/Yachi - Freeform, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, Maybe KenHina, Relationships are formed a bit later, Tanashita - Freeform, Textfic, Tsukiyama - Freeform, Work In Progress, crackfic, daisuga - Freeform, jeez lol, levyaku - Freeform, lots of gay, maybe hetero, maybe lesbianism, they are so chaotic omg, they’re so gay, ushiten
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:54:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29424876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairy_cupcake/pseuds/Fairy_cupcake
Summary: Chaos and Crack. And some gay on the side... actually, it’s a lot of gay, maybe some hetero, and hopefully a lot of funny dumb Haikyuu stuffFeaturing Karasuno, Nekoma, Fukurodani, Aoba Johsai, and maybe more
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kinoshita Hisashi/Narita Kazuhito, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Crackfic/Textfic. I really hope that it isn’t bad lol. Please give feedback! I’m not sure when I’ll update, I don’t have a set schedule

Character chat names  
——  
Sugawara- Sugarilla  
Daichi- Dashi  
Asahi- Wimp ISH tbh  
Kiyoko- Kiyoka  
Nishinoya- NISHALOLAAA  
Tanaka- Bald...ish  
Yachi- Villager B  
Tsukishima- Tsukki  
Yamaguchi- Yamigoops  
Hinata- Hina Shoyo  
Kageyama- Kamaya Tobio  
Bokuto- HoOt HoOt I’m cute(so is Akaashi)  
Akaashi- Please help  
Ennoshita- Great deductive skills  
Narita- Not Well Known #2  
Kinoshita- Not Well Known #1  
Kuroo- KuroOOoo  
Kenma- Kenya  
Ushijima- Jiiiiiima  
Tendou- Awesome Redhead  
Oikawa- Oik  
Iwaizumi- Iwa-Chan  
Lev- Probably Gay  
Yaku- Demon Senpai  
Goshiki- I like ya cut G  
Semi- Semi Semi!  
Matsukawa- Eyebrows  
Hanamakki- PinK

Alright let’s get this thing started lol

——  
Volleyball Nerds  
——  
Sugarilla: Hey  
Sugarilla: Hey guys

Bald...ish: what?

Sugarilla: Crab with a human baby head. Imagine it.

Bald...ish: WTF-

NISHALOLAAA: 😂OMG WHA-

Dashi: 😰 Suga are you ok

Wimp ISH tbh:....

Kamaya Tobio: What did I just read...

Sugarilla: Imagine Coach Take as like, one of the female mice from Cinderella

Bald...ish: OMG 😂😂

Yamigoops: 😂😂

Tsukki: Haha

Wimp ISH tbh:... are u good?

Sugarilla: never 💀

Wimp ISH tbh: oh, ok

Dashi: bruh

Kamaya Tobio: I like how your just not using proper grammar, like capitalization 

Tsukki: *you’re  
Tsukki: You also forgot a period at the end of your sentence.

Kamaya Tobio: Stop correcting me!

Tsukki: Stop being wrong!

NISHALOLAAA: Woah

Bald...ish: Calm down Jamal

NISHALOLAAA: Don’t pull out the nine

Hina Shoyo: XD

KuroOOoo: 🎶Cinderelly Cinderelly🎶

HoOt HoOt I’m cute(So is Akaashi): 🎶We can help our Cinderelly🎶

Kenya: wtf

Please Help:...

Oik: 🎶With the cookin and the cleanin🎶

Iwa-Chan: Don’t. Just don’t.

Oik: Aweee, why noooottt

Iwa-Chan: Because it’s annoying

Kenya: Agreed

KuroOOoo: :’)

Kenya: Oh shush

Kamaya Tobio: So everyone else is gonna ignore what Suga said?

Hina Shoyo: Apparently

Kamaya Tobio: Oof

Oik: Wait what did he say again?

HoOt HoOt I’m cute(So is Akaashi): Something about human crab babies

Oik: Oh n O

Awesome Redhead: Oh Y a Y

Jiiiima: Hello Tendou

Awesome Redhead: Hi Wakatoshi!

Semi Semi: Hello there

I like ya cut G: Hi!

Hina Shoyo: Hi Goshiki-kun!!

I like ya cut G: H-Hi Hinata

Hina Shoyo: :)

I like ya cut G: ( ◠‿◠ )

Kamaya Tobio: :(

Hina Shoyo: It’s ok Kageyama! You’re cool too!

Kamaya Tobio: :)

I like ya cut G: You think I’m cool?

Hina Shoyo: Of course!

I like ya cut G: （≧∇≦）

NISHALOLAAA: ...

Bald...ish: ...

Oik: ...  
Oik: Gay ass

HoOt HoOt I’m cute(So is Akaashi): Omg ikr

Iwa-Chan: Dear gaWd please stop  
Iwa-Chan: The gayness here is killing me

Sugarilla: The fact that they don’t know it’s gay is what kills me

Dashi: ^

Wimp ISH tbh: ^

Kiyoka: ^

Bald...ish: ^

NISHALOLAAA: ^

Great Deductive skills: ^

Not Well Known #1: ^

Not Well Known #2 : ^

Villager B: ^

Tsukki: ^^

Yamigoops: ^

Oik: ^

Iwa-Chan: ^

KuroOOoo: ^

Kenya: ^

HoOt HoOt I’m cute(So is Akaashi): ^

Please Help: ^

Demon Senpai: ^

Probably gay: Hi Yaku- kun!

Kenya: Dammit Lev

Probably gay: What?

Kenya: You ruined the ^ chain

Probably gay: Oh, sorry

Demon Senpai: lol

Hina Shoyo: Was it rly gay? 

Dashi: Yea 

Oik: Lol

Hina Shoyo: Is it... bad?

Sugarilla: Of course not!

Dashi: No!

Sugarilla: Lol we share the same brain cell 

Hina Shoyo: I didn’t know I was gay

Oik: Lmaooooo. Just cause you do something gay doesn’t mean that you ARE gay  
Oik: Like me

KuroOOoo: Gay ass

Oik: ;) you betcha

Hina Shoyo: You’re gay Oikawa?

Awesome Redhead: bruh

Semi Semi: You didn’t know?

Hina Shoyo: No!

Eyebrows: wow

PinK: wow

KuroOOoo: He’s so gay I’m surprised you didn’t know  
KuroOOoo: Also you’ve been really quiet Iwaizumi

HoOt HoOt I’m cute(So is Akaashi): Wait..

Please Help: Did he not know?

Iwa-Chan:...

Oik: ...

Iwa-Chan: ur gay?

Oik: yea

Eyebrows: 👀

PinK: 👀

KuroOOoo: 👀

HoOt HoOt I’m cute (So is Akaashi): 👀

Oik: how do you feel about it..?

Iwa-Chan: well...


	2. So it starts...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi’s reaction to Oikawa being gay.... oikawa is gonna be a g a y a s s in this chapter. Kageyama might be a bit gay.? So may Hinata maybe

Oik: How do you feel about that?

Iwa-Chan: Well...  
Iwa-Chan: Can we talk in dm’s?

Oik: Sure  
Oik: Wish me luck everyone

KuroOOoo: Good luck 

HoOt HoOt I’m cute(So is Akaashi): Good luck

Hina Shoyo: Good luck

Oik: wow you’re actually making me more nervous

Hina Shoyo: Sorry

——  
DM between Oik and Iwa-Chan  
——

Oik: So?

Iwa-Chan: Honestly?

Oik: Well yea lol

Iwa-Chan: I’m really happy

Oik: Wait wut

Iwa-Chan: well.... it means I have a chance

Oik: I’m confused

Iwa-Chan: You’re so stupid sometimes..

Oik: How can you be so mean to me 😭  
(● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

Iwa-Chan: ...

Iwa-Chan: I like you dumbass!!

Oik:*processing*  
Oik: Wait...

Oik: REALLY!?

Iwa-Chan: YES

Oik: OMG 

Iwa-Chan: WHAT?

Oik: I LIKE YOU TOO!!

Iwa-Chan: REALLY?!

Oik: YES!!

Iwa-Chan: OH THANK THE LORD

Oik: WHY ARE WE YELLING STILL

Iwa-Chan: I DON’T KNOW BUT WIPL YOU BE MY BOYFRIEND

Oik: OHMIGOSH YESSSSS

Iwa-Chan: HELL YEAH

Oik: (*^ω^*)

——  
Volleyball Nerds  
——

NISHALOLAAA: OK IM JUST SAYING THAT IF I WERE TO DATE A GUY IT WOULD PROBABLY BE ASAHI  
NISHALOLAAA: HOW CAN A GUY BE SO HOT AND RESPECTFUL?!

Wimp ISH tbh: >//~//<

Bald...ish: HAHA YOU MADE HIM BLUSH

Sugarilla: Stop being so gay omg

Oik: Hey bitches we’re back 

Hina Shoyo: Hi! How’d it go?

Iwa-Chan: Do you wanna tell them?

Oik: Sure!  
Oik: We’re dating!

HoOt HoOt I’m cute(so is Akaashi): ‘o’

Jiiiima: What is that, is that “slang” for something?

Please help: ^

Awesome Redhead: It’s an emoticon you silly goose!

Jiiiima: Oh, okay, thank you.

Oik: 😝

KuroOOoo: Damn Flattykawa, finally getting some ass!

Oik: You know it!

Iwa-Chan: *chokes on water*  
Iwa-Chan: Excuse me, what?  
Iwa-Chan: First of all, no one said that we were having sex  
Iwa-Chan: And second of all, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’M A BOTTOM?!

KuroOOoo: Scary

Iwa-Chan: Damn right 

Oik:👀  
Oik: Das my mans right there

Iwa-Chan: Grrrr

HoOt HoOt I’m cute(so isn’t Akaashi): Getch yo f*ckin dog bitch!

Oik: It don’t bite 

KuroOOoo: YES IT DO

Kenya: dumbass

Please Help: ^

KuroOOoo: Is that an insult or a compliment?

Tsukki: I don’t think it’s a compliment

Kenya: You would be correct in thinking that

Tsukki: yayyy 

HoOt HoOt I’m cute: Awe Tsukki’s excited about something 🥺

Tsukki: That was sarcasm  
Tsukki: And for the last time stop calling me that

Kamaya Tobio: Hah, you’re not supposed to start a sentence with “and” 😝

Dashi: Good job Kageyama

Tsukki: You’re no supposed to end a sentence with an emoji.

Kamaya Tobio: Thank  
Kamaya Tobio: HEY

Tsukki: Haha

Sugarilla: Why... just why..

Dashi: I know...

Wimp ISH ngl: Exactly..

Bald...ish: ??

NISHALOLAAA: ??

Great Deductive Skills: The mind of the third years

Hina Shoyo: Don't you mean “minds”?

Great Deductive Skills: Nope

Hina Shoyo: Oh, ok

Suga: >:3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisuga starts, they’re so cute lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly Kagehina and Daisuga. I added IwaOi at the beginning just cause they’re super cute
> 
> This story kinda has plot 
> 
> I’m trying to make a crackfic but with some plot sprinkled in, pls give suggestions

——  
Direct Message between Iwa-Chan and Oik  
——  
Oik: Hi <3

Iwa-Chan: Hello  
Iwa-Chan: How are you today

Oik: Pfft  
Oik: My days are always great when I’m with you ;)

Iwa-Chan: Cringe

Oik: :(

Iwa-Chan: :p

Oik: meanie

Iwa-Chan: I know

——  
Direct Message between Sugarilla and Dashi  
——

Sugarilla: Hiiiii

Dashi: Hiiiiiiii

Sugarilla: Is that a challenge?

Dashi: Of course not, I would never want to challenge you Sugar  
Dashi: *SUGA! I MEANT SUGA!!

Sugarilla: are you sure about that mate

Dashi: I mean...  
Dashi: Unless u want me to call u Sugar  
Dashi: But that seems like a couple-y thing

Sugarilla: *cough* we totally could be *cough* *cough*

Dashi: We could?

Sugarilla~: I mean yea...

Dashi: alright 

Sugarilla: alright

Dashi: Cool

Sugarilla: uh huh

Dashi: ...

Sugarilla: ...

Dashi: So what do we do now?

Sugarilla: I have NO idea

Dashi: Me either

Sugarilla: Wanna ask the team for help?

Dashi: That would be GREAT

Sugarilla: Aight

——  
Karasuno GC  
——

Bald...ish: Bruh we have such a boring chat name

NISHALOLAAA: I agree with this statement

Hina Shoyo: Me too  
Hina Shoyo: But what should we change it to? 

Bald...ish: Something good

NISHALOLAAA: Like?

Bald...ish: I’m not sure

*Hina Shoyo changed the chat name to “Something Good”*

Tsukki: Wow  
Tsukki: You’re dumber than I thought 

Kamaya Tobio: Don’t be mean to him >:(

Tsukki: What are you gonna do? Throw your crown at me, My Leige? 

Kamaya Tobio: Don’t call me that!

Hina Shoyo: Don’t be mean to him Tsukkishima!  
Hina Shoyo: But Kageyama, I think it would be cool to be the King! Not something to be ashamed of! If it’s who you are then it’s who you are! Ya know?

Tsukki: Wow.

Kamaya Tobio: That probably made me like 100 times gayer  
Kamaya Tobio: Wait what

NISHALOLAAA: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bald...ish: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

NISHALOLAAA: Also (°▽°)

Bald...ish: Yeah same

Kamaya Tobio: ...

Great Deductive Skills: Dang

Not well known #1: That sucks bro

Not well known #2: Just outed urself

Wimp ISH tbh: It’s ok Kageyama

Yamigoops: I think he’s more worried about Hinata finding out rather than the rest of us

Wimp ISH tbh: Oh  
Wimp ISH tbh: Well Hinata?

Hina Shoyo: Ummm  
Hina Shoyo: I mean  
Hina Shoyo: *Embarrassed sounds*

Sugarilla: Hinata honey I think Kageyama may be a bit to dumb to understand that

Kamaya Tobio: HEY!  
Kamaya Tobio: But you’re not wrong

Sugarilla: I’m never wrong

Tsukki: Are you sure about that?

Hina Shoyo: Tbh I’m pretty gay too

Sugarilla: Yes I’m sure

Tsukki: You’ve been wrong before

Sugarilla: When?

Tsukki: Well lets see, just yesterday you thought that the Uvula was.... something else... And kept on insisting you were right  
Tsukki: But you were wrong

Sugarilla: WeLl I’m SoRrY i DoN’t KnOw ThE fEmAlE oR hUmAn BoDy VeRy WeLl I’m KiNdA gAy If YoU hAvEn’T nOtIcEd

Dashi: Dang just putting it right out there

NISHALOLAAA: Hang on hang on!  
NISHALOLAAA: We’re just gonna ignore Hinata’s confession?

Hina Shoyo: Dammit I thought I got away with it...

Bald...ish: Haha nope

Hina Shoyo: >:(

Kamaya Tobio: So what does this mean?

Tsukki: Suga we all knew you weren’t straight

Hina Shoyo: 1) I have no clue, start dating? 2) Yea Suga you are always so close to Daichi and complimenting him and talking about how great you think he is and stuff like that

Sugarilla: Dang Hina why you gotta hit me like that..

Dashi: Wait, Suga, you talk about me to the team and stuff?

Sugarilla: W-Well yea of course 👉👈

Dashi: Awe ☺️

Tsukki: Gross

Bald...ish: Oh shush

Kamaya Tobio: (//∇//)  
Kamaya Tobio: A-Alright

Tsukki: Dang he stuttered through text

Hina Shoyo: Yay! I got a Boyfriend!  
Hina Shoyo: Bow down before me you peasants! Hahaha

Tsukki: Never

Yamigoops: ^

Kamaya Tobio: I would bow down before you Hinata

Bald...ish: 👀

NISHALOLAAA: 👀

Sugarilla: 👀 

Dashi: 👀💀

Kamaya Tobio: Not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Dashi: Anyways  
Dashi: Sugar Don't you have something to tell them

Hina Shoyo: Sugar?

NISHALOLAAA: WAIT ITS HAPPENING

Yamigoops: WAIT REALLY?! YESSS

Sugarilla: Ahem  
Sugarilla: Yes I do have something to say

Wimp ISH tbh: Spit it outtttt

Sugarilla: Daichi and I are no longer friends

Tsukki: Wait what

Dashi: Suga that’s probably the worst way you could have told them we’re dating XD

Bald...ish: So you ARE dating

Dashi: yes 

NISHALOLAAA: Ha  
NISHALOLAAA: Tanaka give me my money 

Sugarilla: You guys bet on this?

Bald...ish: Well of course 

NISHALOLAAA: How could we not?

Sugarilla: Um, common courtesy.?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ThAnK yOu for reading


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kunimi hates everyone except Kindaichi lol
> 
> Hinata exposes some people too

——

Aoba Johsai GC

——

Oik: Hello fellow land dwellers, I just wanted to let you all know that today Iwaizumi is doing amazing

Mad Dog: Why thank you for that USELESS information

Oik: >:( Be nice Kyōtani 

Eyebrows: Yea :(

PinK: :(

Iwa-Chan: Oh shut up  
Iwa-Chan: All of you 

Oik: Even me?

Iwa-Chan: Yes

Oik: But why?

Iwa-Chan: Because I said so

Oik: Good enough for me

Kunimi: wow  
Kunimi: I really hate this team sometimes 

Oik: Kunimi Dear, hate is such a strong word!

Kunimi: I have this deep feeling of burning dislike and disdain for my team sometimes

Oik: I’m not sure if this is any better

Kindaichi: Also it’s kind of redundant to say dislike and disdain one after the other

Kunimi: :p

Kindaichi: Of course

Yahaba: :p

Oik: Why, just why

PinK: Because

Eyebrows: Because

PinK: Jinx!

Eyebrows: Jinx!

PinK: Jinx again!

Eyebrows: Jinx again!

Iwa-Chan: Please stop, please

PinK: :(

Eyebrows: :(

Kindaichi: But do you hate me Kunimi?

Kunimi: Hmmmm  
Kunimi:No

Kindaichi: Yay

——  
Hina Shoyo made a group chat with NISHALOLAAA, Yamigoops, Please Help, Villager B, and Kenya  
——

Kenya: What is this?

Please Help: ^

Yamigoops: Hi Yachi!

Villager B: Hi!

NISHALOLAAA: Why’d you make this Hinata?

Hina Shoyo: Well  
Hina Shoyo: After having my Gay awakening, I realized something else

Yamigoops: And what would that be?

Hina Shoyo: It’s the fact that all of you are too and don’t even know it

Yamigoops: Huh?!? No I’m not!

NISHALOLAAA: He denies it  
NISHALOLAAA: I’m Bi anyways, I already knew lol

Hina Shoyo: Nice

Please Help: No I’m not

Kenya: No I’m not

Hina Shoyo: Are you sure about that?  
Hina Shoyo: *Send attachment of Akaashi smiling at Bokuto longingly from a distance*

Please Help: ....  
Please Help: You see nothing

Hina Shoyo: *Sends attachment of Kenma staring at Kuroo and smiling a little bit*

Kenya: I see nothing homosexual here

Hina Shoyo: Suuure

Yamigoops: Don’t you dare send any pictures of me

Hina Shoyo: ...

Yamigoops: ....  
Yamigoops: Don’t you do it

Hina Shoyo: *Sends picture of Yamaguchi kissing Tsukkishima*

NISHALOLAAA: THATS A LITTLE GAY BRO

Hina Shoyo: I know right

Yamigoops: Ima go die now

Kenya: ^

Hina Shoyo: I thought you said there wasn’t anything gay here Kenma 

Kenya: There isn’t 

NISHALOLAAA: Uh huh  
NISHALOLAAA: Anyway Hinata, what was the point behind this group chat?

Hina Shoyo: Well I wanted to hook everyone up with their crush  
Hina Shoyo: Not sexually though!  
Hina Shoyo: I mean you can but that’s not what my aim is

Yamigoops: 😳

Villager B: 😳

NISHALOLAAA: So how do you plan on doing this hooking up of the gays?  


NISHALOLAAA: Wait are you implying that I can’t get my crush on my own?

Hina Shoyo: Yes  
Hina Shoyo: You called him hot right in front of him and still didn’t get him  
Hina Shoyo: Anyways  
Hina Shoyo: I’m not really sure  
Hina Shoyo: Got any ideas?

Villager B: I have one  
Villager B: It’s a little Cringy though

Yamigoops: Fire away

Villager B: Well I was thinking we could do a lyric coming out and confession

Hina Shoyo: That’s so cute!

Yamigoops: You think everything is cute though

Hina Shoyo: True

Hina Shoyo: So what songs were you thinking of?

Villager B: Well for the Confession I was thinking Cloud 9, Electric Love, Line Without a Hook, or Never Gonna Give You Up

Villager B: For coming out I was thinking Little Miss Perfect, I’m Gay, Girls Like Girls(for me not you boys), or Ken and Barbie

Hina Shoyo: Those are great options!

Villager B: Alright well then let’s choose

Yamigoops: Okey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’ll see what they pick next chapter!
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Sorry for not updating for so long, I really just haven’t known how to write, school isn’t kicking me in the butt or anything, I’ve basically just had writers block. So hopefully I’ll get another chapter of this and my other story out soon! See ya next time!
> 
> Also this is literally Tendou:  
> (☝︎ ՞ਊ ՞)☝︎  
> Prove me wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, probably IwaOi next chapter, they’re so fracking gay omg. Sorry if this chapter wasn’t that great, I’ll try to make it better, more C r a c k


End file.
